A century ago, people in our country firmly followed the
age old customs and traditions of getting married when still young; to be more
specific, before or immediately after they attained puberty. My paternal
grandparents, Oli Thressiamma and Oli Ousepachan, got married at the age of 8
and 12 respectively. Same was the case with my maternal grandparents, Elykutty
and N.J. Chacko Neerakal who were 8 and 15 years old respectively when they got
married. They had their first child when she was 19. All their children were
healthy, good-looking and brilliant. This was the general trend in families
throughout the country. Most young people, especially girls, are physically and
psychologically ready to get married as soon as they attain puberty. The norm
that was widely followed was, “the earlier the marriage the better.”
As I understand it, child marriage has a number of
advantages. Being young, the couple understands
each other better; both of them have the benefit of
growing and learning together, adapting to new surroundings and situations,
making them extremely compatible with each other. This makes the transition of
adjusting into the spouse’s house a much easier process. It is easier to
create a family when one is young. In their close affinity, there is hardly any
room for confrontation. I have never seen my grandparents fighting each other.
Since they take up responsibilities at a very early age, they tend to be more
serious about life and plan their future accordingly.
This can be set against the lifestyle of single men and
women, who (in most cases) are more laid back, giving them extra time on their
hands to engage in past times such as smoking, drinking and taking drugs, under
the pretext of “enjoying” life; following the misconstrued ruse of being
“cool.”
People
who oppose child marriage would say that it would adversely affect girl’s
education, personal development, job prospects and personal income and
childbearing goals. Some argue that she might be pulled out of school, and separated
from her peers. I disagree that early marriage would keep people from studying
and/or building a career. If there is a will there is a way. Young couples
manage to combine studying at the university, having a family and even
children. If you have the desire, determination, dedication and devotion
nothing could prevent you from getting higher education. Another case that is
widely argued is that child bearing at a young age leads to high rates of
maternal and child mortality. However, this stand is not justified in the present
scenario, where medical attention in various disciplines is available in every
nook and corner of our country.
The youngsters of our
country suppress their innate sexual drives. When you get married late; you
won't get those years back. Little do they realize that there are many other
significant things to achieve in life. The cleverer a person becomes the more
difficult for him / her to find a partner in life. It is not easy to live
together if two people have two completely different, even contradictory views
on life. Furthermore, a woman’s chances of getting
pregnant decrease as she grows older. When a woman crosses thirty, infertility
issues are almost doubled.
Virginity is sexual
abstinence until marriage. Historically, premarital sex was considered a moral
issue which was taboo in many cultures and considered a sin by a number of
religions, but since about the 1960s, it has become more widely accepted,
especially in western countries. Arousal of sex is a natural hunger, a
biological necessity. I have heard people say, “Morality is lack of
opportunity.” In western countries, dating is very common. They enjoy sex from
a very young age. Their youngsters leave their parental homes and move into
dormitories when they attain puberty. In case a boy /girl doesn’t have a girl /
boy friend; their parents are anxious and they would take their child to a
psychologist. But modern relationships are much more
complicated; people date more partners before settling down; cohabitate and
procreate without getting married; and might marry later in life when they are
sure that they won’t desert each other. It is astounding to note that at
present a majority of the young Americans below 35 years are unmarried.
It is always advisable to
take some marital counseling courses before getting engaged and married to
someone. Sex education programs are now available to teach the youngsters
about reproductive health, safer sex practices, sexual abstinence and birth control. It will help you to avert teenage pregnancies and
other problems in life. Marriage is not a bed of
roses. Couples should be ready to make adjustments and accommodations and should
be prepared to share their joys and sorrows to make their life a success. It is
significant to bear in mind that “life is a stage in which much has to be
endured and little to be enjoyed.”
Awakening of sex, sexual
intercourse and masturbation are quite natural. It’s
healthy and perfectly normal. I have observed it not only in human beings but in other
mammals as well, and it is unnatural to control it. We
have to realize the fact that sexual relationship is not a sin at all and it is
a biological necessity. There are only two unpardonable crimes in the
code of sexual conduct, rape and telling of lies or breach of promise. Christianity teaches
sexual relationships as abhorrence, crime or sin. They say that sexual
relationship, masturbation and the child born out of a wed lock too is the
result of sin. Their teachings are absurd and against the Rules of Mother
Nature.
Christianity further
teaches that the blemishes or sin has to be cleansed by a sacrament (a sacred
ceremony of reparation, penance, compensation, self-punishments, atonement or
apology) namely baptism. The sacraments are invented and introduced during
various periods to extract money from the blind believers and the church
discourages their independent thinking in order to exploit them. Zoroastrianism
originally invented the theory of heaven and hell as a means of income or
livelihood for their hereditary priests. Mithraism too adopted it and Mithraism
ultimately merged in Christianity. It is pertinent to note that there are
neither intermediaries nor sacraments in Islam, another offshoot of Judaism.
Delayed marriages and suppression of sex is a curse of
the Indian society, and is a major reason for many of the problems that surface
in Indian society. The innate urge of immature children to experiment with the
new found changes in one’s body due to puberty, is often exploited by
relatives, friends, pimps and other rich and influential people in society including politicians, top officials in the executive
and the judiciary; and affluent grand old Muslim men from abroad arriving for
muta-marriages. I was astounded when the media pointed out that in some cases,
the rape victim’s own parents were the ones involved in such heinous crimes. It
can be concluded that half of India’s problems can be solved if children get
married at the right time.
No doubt, the best age for having your first baby is
roughly when you are twenty years old. In such circumstances there would be a
fourth generation in most families. The main advantage here is that in the
extreme event of both parents dying prematurely or in the case of divorce, there would always be grandparents
or great-grandparents to look after the children; the children won’t become
orphans; a burden on society.
A girl child attains puberty at her young age of thirteen
or earlier and the boy at the age of 15 or little later. It is beyond human
reasoning. There may be slight areas of dispute in the matter of child
marriages, which has to be ignored. Beyond his limitations, man tries to create
a new order in society and nature, thinking that he is the master. He never
realizes the fact that the Acts and Rules he is making is contradictory to the
Rules of Mother Nature. Like our parents and grandparents did, children should
be married before they attain puberty. Otherwise there would naturally be
outbreak of sex and rich and influential people in the society would exploit
young children. It is not fair or proper for the Parliament to interfere with
the personal freedom of individuals and it is against the Rule of Nature to fix
a minimum age of 21 and 18 for marriage. Marriageable age does not come within
the realm of the parliament. Let wisdom dawn on Parliament to review the
prohibition of child marriage and make necessary amendments in this regard.
Excerpts from
NEED OF THE HOUR
by
Joseph J. Thayamkeril
josephjthayamkeril@gmail.com
